Hey thotlings! Welcome to the follow up to my inaugural article documenting my Housecore Horrorfest shit show and the first official installment of Thot Thoughts Thursdays. It feels good to be a member of “The Family.” Which Manson gal do you think most closely mirrors my personality? Leslie? Squeaky? Susan? Is there a Buzzfeed quiz for this? Because it would be helpful. But for now I’ll just let you read on and decide for yourself.
For all the friends in the Graveyard that are still in school #thestruggle is all too real right now because all you want to do is put on some stretchy pants and get slizzered on eggnog but you still have a full week of finals ahead of you. Well if you need a good source of distraction besides your usual procrasturbation, don’t worry. Boo-boo, I got chu, because I don’t always fall into what my good friend Robin describes as a “god forsaken YouTube hole,” but when I do, it’s usually when I have four papers to write, ten emails to respond to, and I should have started getting ready for work a half hour ago. But for this slutty Alice, the greatest rabbit hole to stumble down does not involve tales of pre-teen pregnancy or footage of fights at the Waffle House, but rather the wondrous world of potato ass uploads of GG Allin and Marilyn Manson’s 90’s talk show circuits.
Like most good Tube holes (I feel like I should search that phrase on XNXX Editor’s note – please don’t), these episodes of Springer, Geraldo, and Politically Incorrect deliver the shock and awe that you especially come to appreciate at 2:00 am. At least for me, though, the shock doesn’t come from GG and Marilyn’s ramblings as much as it does from the audience’s reactions. Inside their oversized graphic crew neck sweatshirts and Hooters girl-style high sock and clunky sneaker combo lives earnest fear as GG threatens to dismantle the notion of the American dream a la Henry Rollins in “Family Man” and replace it with his own shit-covered dystopia.
Watching these videos in 2015, GG’s spiels just comes across as a funny side show act, but taken in its proper 1993 context it becomes clear that family values were actually still normative, cherished, and desired. It is not to say that this is never the case now (which I’m finding to be particularly true in that I spent the better part of today implementing every privacy setting available on Facebook so I can actually get hired for a grown up job), but it is a reminder of a simpler, pre-9/11 time when Tripp pants were for goth kids, not Juggalos, and dissenting from the religion of your parents was edgy, not expected.
That’s why I find it hilariously stupid when one of my “Facebook friends from high school who never left our hometown and thinks Olive Garden is fancy,” as the meme goes, posts an article about how Millennials are all sheltered criers. I mean Jesus, this is the age of the technology. You and five of your girlfriends can go to Jessica’s house and gather around the computer to watch a little person bukkake scene and then get dick pics sent to your phone on demand courtesy of the school fuckboy. If someone would like to explain to me how that’s sheltered, go right ahead. In the golden age of GG and MM, these things had to be actively sought out and were more difficult to obtain. I mean how would have dick picks of even worked back then? Strap a Polaroid to a carrier pigeon and hope it gets into the right hands? Shit, the TV was still king, and since that’s subject to all of those wonderful FCC rules, getting your hands on a Murder Junkies tape probably seemed pretty fucking scandalous to the average middle American teenager.
I am happy, though, that I have the privilege of being an older Millennial, because I did catch the very, very tail end of the era documented in these talk shows before everyone started wearing drug rugs and listening to dubstep and having the personality of a fucking kiwi. I would be lying if I said Marilyn Manson hasn’t significantly impacted my life. I first watched Bowling for Columbine (2002) via Megaupload at thirteen – an age so impressionable that to this day whenever I hear a loud pop or bang while sitting in class I get a compulsive twitch urging me to hit the floor. It’s in this film that Manson finally got an opportunity to present his side of the case after being made the poster child of blame for the entire Columbine massacre by mainstream media outlets, which had real effects on his career. His simple but brilliant insights when asked what he would have said to Harris and Klebold, expressed bellow, only made me want to research this spoopy kid more:
When I did, I fell into a full-on Manson obsession, especially when it came about his romance with nineteen-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood. Something about the taboo age difference and the aesthetic dichotomy of nightmare-like Manson and Lolita-style Wood turned me on soooooo much, and it was right then and there that I discovered my taste for heavily tattooed older men. I would choreographic burlesque routines when I was alone in my room to his song “Heart-shaped Glasses,” an ode to the couple’s seemingly bizarre relationship, and during the line “little girl, little girl you should close your eyes, that blue is getting me high” I would always swoon a bit because, yano, I totallyyy thought he was talking about me. And just to make sure the whole world knew about it, I drew a pair of heart-shaped glasses with pink and black Crayola markers on the binder that I proudly carried with me to the eighth grade every day.
Apparently I wasn’t alone in my Manson-complex; I looked up his Instagram the other day to see what he’s been up to and apparently you can now buy t-shirts that say “Marilyn Manson is my daddy.” While he’s still in music, part of me feels as though a figure like Manson has outlived his usefulness, especially as we move deeper into a post-shock world. Around the time of The High End of Low in 2009 I couldn’t help but feel as though my daddy was running out of things to say. But, that certainly doesn’t mean we can’t go on trips down memory lane to appreciate the Mansons and GGs of the world for what they were and the impact they’ve made. At the end of the day, they succeeded in producing the shock value they desired, and even made some thought-provoking social commentary along the way.
P.S. If you are interested in some procrasturbatory material, may I suggest this footage of Phil and Rex at the 1991 Headbangers Ball. Mmmmmmmm……….good fucking lord…