Greetings friends and fuckrags. Did you have a ridiculous Halloween? Did you fire off a bunch of bottle rockets in front of the local coffee shop in front of a bunch of PC SJW punks who could only stare at you as you galloped around swigging from a flagon of mead? Did you steal bags of candy from small children and give yourself a tummy ache? Whatever happened, the oldblackgoat is here for you, I won’t judge you.
Allow me to say, that in no way did I just narrate my entire Halloween 2015 experience, and I definitely won’t be spending the next Trash/Thrash column ranting about PC punks, so just to make sure we have that all cleared up.
Okay, so remember nu-metal? Yeah. Me neither. I was too busy listening to the cure and being a fairy to have gotten involved with that kind of malarkey. So for those playing the home game – nu metal is this garbage poser metal that came out in the twenty oughts and was sold and popularized by broken home puppies, little emo bastards who try to be hard, which really isn’t that different from all the fucking little shitty PC punks I seem to know.
Little friendly angels dressed up in uncle Rick’s old punk clothes screaming about how hard they are, but holy moly if someone says “bitch” or some other oppressive word then they might have to just ban you from their safe inclusive space, which is only inclusive up to but not including YOU. It’s weird really, I’ve heard this concept before.. you know, telling people what they can and can not say and if anyone disagrees with you, just summarily silence them.. it’s called fascism. The Nazis were big fans, so were warlords in Africa.. really so is just about everyone in a position of power. Oh I just love watching shit like this play out, when well meaning but highly full of shit scenesters become everything that they hate. Nothing like fighting zealotry with zealotry. But I mean hey, what do I know? I’m just a scabby old goat.
Anywho, apparently people still adore the shit out of nu metal because everyone collectively pisses themselves for Cradle of Flith concert announcements, and still supports garbage shit like Atreyu. The thing that makes me laugh more than anything else right now is all the PC punks who claim to listen to only electro powerviolence blackened banjo crust all secretly love the music of their childhood, which given that all PC punks are like 20, fits right in with the Linkin Park era.. because I shit you not, all the PC punks in this town dressed up as Eminem fans, Linkin Park members and juggalos.. there was intended irony, but, we all know its like small kids dressing up as batman.. it’s not because an eight year old was doing a social exmination of batman and irony.. it’s because the kid wants to be batman. So I mean.. become your heroes I suppose.
So I mean, hey, it’s good to know that if you’re a piece of shit, there’s always something out there you can turn to like nu-metal. It’s like dating sites for terrible people. You can totally put “I cry to Linkin Park” on your romantic CV and you too can find your own JNCO jean clad vision in wallet chains.
Okay, so contrary to the above disjointed rant, I stumbled upon this video while trying to find the Tom Hiddleston “Loki’d” bit to show a friend, and I found this amazing fan made music video of the Linkin Park song “Numb” set to clips of Loki from the Thor movies. Allow that to sink in. Actually, maybe while you’re here, go get some pages of paper and write down “I didn’t make a fan video of Linkin Park/Loki” and hide it around your house and when you feel like slitting your wrists to stop the unending stream of pain and the mundanity of existence, you can find one of those and have an instant ego boost that will send you strolling down the road to buy some Starbucks because life isn’t so confusing after all.
I’ve been PISSING myself laughing over this since I found it, because there is no part of it that isn’t solid gold. I’m not really sure why the silver tongued Trickster would find himself best represented in a song written by overgrown boys about how they are mad at their moms and dads.. but yeah okay.. why not. Loki was the original broken home puppy.
Also, since I’m making comparisons – remember when Linkin Park went on tour with sublime. and then called the cops on sublime for smoking weed. Heavens to Betsy. Remember afterwards how Chester Bennington said he was allergic to marijuana smoke, like what a tiny baby angel. Ah precious. No wonder he’s the hero of all the PC punks. Just remember kids that under all those CRASS patches and Noothgrush vinyl, there’s a kid in a wallet chain, spiked collar and Slipknot shirt.
Anywho, I hope you will join me in pissing yourself laughing over this video, there’s plenty of big ass granny panties to be had at the dollar store and you could totally distress them and sew a Leftover Crack patch on them, ENJOY:
Until next week little friends, I’m sure Slipknot is still touring and making music. I’m sure Corey Taylor has nothing better to do.