Van Halen.  Look it is no secret their records up to 1984 were amazing. Classics. Everything they did was gold. I have nothing against Sammy VH except it just sucked. Sammy is a cool dude though. Good guitar player and singer. Diehard fans ( cock ) love DLR. Or did? As i write this there is a commercial on for a sex spa on and i am suddenly having really dirty thoughts. It does NOT involve DLR though. Only one girl in the world for me. And its not him!  * Clears Throat*  And here we go.

David Lee Roth is gay. Period. And i truly believe this has been the main reason why Van Halen feud so much.  Listen this is no gay bash because i am not like that at all. I grew up in the 80s if that helps you any. But my guess here is Eddie got a drunken hummer one night in the 70s from David and its gone downhill since.   As a matter of fact i am pretty sure he blew the entire band! Something has (cock) to be done about this David. Because if what you said in an interview is true? You are living with a young Japanese girl because its OK in Japan to do that. Right then. So you are a pedophile? Really in the ( cock ) end it does not matter what your sexual preference is. Unless of course you are a pedophile then you need to be strung up by your bell end with rope and wait for it to pop off.  But I do not think very many people are fooled by these stories you tell. Are they? Come on Dave gimme a break! Just admit it!!! The amount of money you could make being a gay icon would be insane bro.

We have watched you make a come back David. And its been ( cock ) one of the most embarrassing come backs in the history of cock. Sorry rock. I mean painful.  Even worse Van Halen seems to have a large following of old crusty ass stoners and drunks ( I am both of those but I am not fooled )  who still give a shit. So you are making $! But you complain so much over the years! David you even went as far as to blame GRUNGE music for ruining your career. Meanwhile you are doing show tunes in Vegas just to make money. You loved doing that dude! I saw the interviews!  Apparently (cock)  you love dance music so much that you cannot get a new VH album done. So says Eddie. Not that any of us reading this want to even hear it. The last one was horrid.  There are clues here people. And its not only with DLR. Eddie is a complete asshole and always has been. I mean does Eddies hatred for DLR tell you anything at all? Eddie dreams of that ill fated night when David sucked on his nuts. But you let him do it Ed. Is that any reason to be such an asshole? I admit i do my fair share of being an asshole. A lot of people will tell you that! But really Ed you are in a band dude. Why would you go off on your singer right before you go out on a big tour? Is it just (cock )  OK because you know its the final one and you do not really give a rats ass about the music anymore? Knowing you will make the money you need to go on supporting wolfdongs career? Hey i think its cool you are helping your son actually! It proves you are a good dad? I guess. Or really are you just living through his eyes knowing  nobody cares about you anymore. I wonder? I suppose again it really does not matter because like DLR. You (cock ) need to GO.

Imagine how us diehard  Van Halen fans feel right now?  OK lets go back to the first Van Halen record we heard. Or mine rather. The first one. The moment that record went on i was in love.  The next three records as well. I listened to them on my walkman every place i went. I was into punk rock music but VH did it for me. My friends made fun of me. But i had one friend Brad who also loved VH.  Shit we even went to see them in NJ. I mean we were all about VH. They were innovators. DLR. ( cock ) Eddie. Alex and Mike.  (Cock)
All of this is just opinion of course. Its how I feel being a diehard Vh fan. But honestly they are ruining it for me. Or have ruined it for me. Who would have thought it would end up like this. I mean Robert Plant will not do Zep anymore and most likely for this very reason. Nobody gets along very well and why would they perform now knowing they would suck. Just to make $? They do not need the $.  Or even worse if Jimmy Page ended up dancing around like DLR? Think about that one!

So lets just wrap this up. DLR you are gay. Please come out of the closet and stop fighting it. Some of us would be so happy if you would. Hell i might even put on some assless chaps in celebration!  Eddie you are just a dick. One of the greatest guitar players even besides all the amazing things you did to your guitars and amps over the years. Genius. Alex nobody ever hears from you much do they? Well i certainly do not care because you look like a fucking creep anyway.  Wolfdong? You can play bass dude. Thats cool. And you certainly have a lot of balls standing up there night after night taking Mikes place. But you will never compare to him. Never.  Mike. Dude keep doing what you do man. You rule for it and really knowing you are not the complete shit bag like the rest of your old band is keeps me hanging on to the old records. Without you i would not be able to stomach it anymore.  Sammy. Keep partying bro. But please if there is any possible way to get rid of every single recording you did with VH can you hook that up?  In the end VH needs to just stop. I have been saying this for a few years on facebook. Its TIME. GO away and stop fucking it up for us fans that have been there since the start.  STOP.

-Perry can usually be found blasting noise on Thee Garbage Men or being that dude with a bass in Kill It Again