Hey there you fucks! Are you preparing to get drunk and high like the rest of us on this glorious holiday involving booze and food? Also can I just say right now that if you use the term Festivus, you can fuck off. Stop making up words like Festivus, Hexmas, men’s rights, and shit like that. You all sound like uneducated jackasses and I can’t stand the assault on my senses anymore by such foolishness. With that out of the way – I want to tell you all that I am going to be so drunk the next few days, that it will be shameful. The Yule season is about holding your family close through the dark winter months, finding warmth together, and being with your family. Family isn’t the people you were born into either.. family is anyone. Treasure these people, laugh with them, and make memories.
In the graveyard, we celebrate Yule, and we do so by drinking mead out of cow horns, feasting on oranges and pomegranates and kicking back by the fire with some seasonally appropriate tunes – like anything by one Christopher Lee, possibly the coolest old fucker on the block. Sorry. SIR Christopher Lee. This man is metal as fuck and rocks harder than you and he’s ninety fucking two years old. He is not only an acclaimed actor, but also makes some pretty epic metal for an old man, also he’s totally bangable in that hot grandpa kinda way. Yeah that’s right, I said it.
So pour us another round of rum and egg nog and let’s welcome Krampus and Satan.. I mean Santa.
Happy holidays, whatever they may be for you, and hope Krampus only beats you fuckers a little bit.