Robin’s Unholy To-Do List for Housecore Horror 2014

Hello friends.  Are you on your way to Housecore Horror festival in Austin, TX this year?  We are!  We went last year as simple attendees, but this year we have been granted Official press status, so we can look down upon all you peasants as we..  I dunno, get drunk with more lanyards around our necks, who the fuck are we kidding?  We do have some super legit interviews lined up and with all the craziness that happened last year, I’m sure we will be full of stories for you, our dear reader, upon our return.

With this in mind for attendees, and non, I have put together a list of things that are the must see and must do at Housecore Horror, so prepare your minds and anuses.

robinphil

1.  Meet Phil Anselmo.  First of all, he’s a really fucking chill dude that goes out of the way with his fans.  He’s super super nice and hilarious and if he’s drunk be prepared for him to assault you.  You can’t tell in this photo from last year, but he’s squeezing my neck so hard it was like having a Swedish massage.

ohdear

2.  Get turnt in a gas station/Wal Mart/Emo’s parking lot, possibly while wearing flowers.  Alcohol is criminally priced in the United States, and it’s available everywhere.  When I can walk into a gas station and buy a 60oz PBR for $1.50, you best believe every gas station I walk out of, it will be with said beer in my hand.  I had to switch to cider because of gluten, but please don’t put it past me to just put bottles of wine in my purse.  I am definitely not above that/didn’t not do that last year at all.

E3Y3y

3.  Admire the widespread availability of hunky dudes with long hair, like the boys from Skan, who were nice enough to grant us an interview.  I like my dudes with long flowing metal locks, and with a festival dedicated to headbanggery, where better can I admire the veritable plethora of luscious locks.  Further than just having great hair, the guys from Skan are actually a super legit fucking band and if you haven’t heard them with your ear holes, you need to please go remedy this, or get the fuck off my blog.

this year at Housecore Mr. Zig, we settle this once and for all

this year at Housecore Mr. Zig, we settle this once and for all

4.  Compare my height with Danzig to find out once and for all who is taller.  I originally met Danzig when I was around 16 and he was taller than me, but I have grown since then and we are going to settle this debate once and for all.  I’m officially 5ft 3in, and apparently Danzig is 5ft 3.4inches.

BouquetofGutsandGore2

5.  Potentially throw up during the premiere of the American Guinea Pig movies.  I almost chucked my cookies during Jim Van Bebber’s short film Say You Love Satan last year, so I hope that again I can come close to losing my lunch over some pictures on celluloid.

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6.  Have a religious experience during Portal’s set.  First of all, if you don’t know who Portal are, you’re fucking dead to me.  Second of all, Portal has been described as an auditory experience similar to summoning Satan with a vaccuum in a wind tunnel, and there’s something so decidedly perfect about a band that routinely uses words like “oubliette” in their song lyrics.

Since I’m metal as fuck, I’m leaving my list at 6.  There’s a whole lot of other stuff included in there like meet up with old friends, eat lots of BBQ’d goat meat, drink lots of Tequila and go to Uncommon Objects hungover, but this ain’t Martha Stewart.  No one got time for that on this blog.

luggage

my bags are packed, bitches

Also – if you do roll your way out to Texas for Housecore Horror, be sure to come find us.  The near entirety of Drunk in a Graveyard will be in attendance including Robin, Scotty, our luscious photog Marsha, and of course the rumbliest Zumble Johnny Zontal.  We have stickers and patches FOR FREE, so please join us/get drunk with us.

Jimmies rustled? Wanna fight about it? Let us know why below!

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