Pumpkin spice latte shortage got you down? Can’t wait til Halloween so you can drink a 26oz of butter ripple schnapps and take a candy corn shit on your neighbor’s lawn while wearing a Scream killer costume? Me either. Each day until the most blessed of days is torture and since I’m such a giver, I’ve decided to offer you some an auditory lullabies to help while away the hours.
So, the 69 eyes, who are apparently still a thing, are a band from Finland who likely own stock in ankh t-shirts, leather pants and hairspray, are a bizarre form of goth cock rock. Like Motley Crüe meets Bauhaus stuck out of time in a pair of Hot Topic bondage pants. The song Frankenhooker is really just an amazing homage to an awful movie, and involves the lead singer, who sounds like Count Chocula or Count Von Count from Sesame Street, crooning about zombie fellatio. The song doesn’t make much sense, mostly because the 69 eyes are from Finland and approach their song writing from an ESL base, which is just fine and dandy with me, because if we know anything from the Misfits, songs don’t need to make sense. I can’t really get over how awful this band is, and I looked them up on Wikipedia and seeing their associated acts made it all makes sense. I’m not sure who listens to Cradle of Filth or HIM anymore, but I can bet beyond a shadow of a doubt that there’s major money to be made if you’re a tattoo artist who does cover ups, because there’s probably a lot of dirt nasty heartagrams that could use a second look. Really, what you should take from this is that, no matter what kind of day you are having, you can just take comfort in knowing you aren’t in the 69 eyes or HIM and allow that to soothe your soul.
When the moon is full and shining bright
Cold wind blowing inside
I’ve got chills something just ain’t right
Baby it’s you tonight
I’ve seen it all coming in my dreams
A thousands nightmares torturing me
I never though there’s a killing in me
It’s you or me tonight
I ain’t looking for no head
From some fucking living dead
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
Got no class graveyard strutter
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
Down to kill tonight
Through the frozen ground, ice and snow
You finally found your way back home
I’ve got tell you something you don’t know
Baby you’re dead all right
I woke up into my own scream
A thousand zombie girls running after me
I never thought I could feel this lonely baby
I need your love tonight
But I ain’t looking for no head
From some fucking living dead
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
Got no class graveyard strutter
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
Down to kill tonight
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
Got no class graveyard strutter
Dirty ass Frankenhooker
I don’t need your love tonight
YOU SUCK!