So, I watched a movie called Monsturd. Not that I’m going to do it, but I could pretty much stop this review right there, because anyone can form an opinion on whether or not they’d enjoy this movie based on the fact that it’s called Monsturd. It’s pretty much what you’d think it is. If you’re like me, and enjoy cheesy low budget horror crap, then this is a movie that might interest you. Honestly, in the year or so I’ve been writing for Drunk in a Graveyard, I haven’t come across anything I enjoyed watching for the purpose of writing a review more than I did this one. But, my dubious taste has been well documented, so take that with as many grains of salt you feel are appropriate. For those of you that could be swayed with a bit of convincing, let’s take a look at this surprisingly enjoyable piece of cinematic excrement.

I never get caught with my pants down. I’m like a bottomless ninja over here

Let’s get the plot description out of the way. Have you seen Jack Frost? Not the terrible family flick with Michael Keaton, the terrible horror flick where a snowman repurposes his carrot nose to rape the foreign chick from American Pie… This movie is basically that, but with poo. A serial killer escapes from prison, and ends up falling in a vat of chemicals, which fuses his molecular structure with poop. He becomes a poop monster (hence the title, you guys), and crawls up through the toilet to murder his victims. This culminates in the big local chili cook off, where the cops have to scramble to stop this crap based creature, because as we all know, no ass is safe in a chili cook off.

I guess it could be a chili monster instead, and no one would think twice

Yeah, that looks really terrible typed out like that. I mean, it kind of makes me feel bad for enjoying it as much as I did. But I DID enjoy it. There are so many little touches that make this movie a ton of fun to watch. Firstly, there are so many poo based puns, and since I’m basically an idiot, poo jokes are never not funny to me. The killer’s name is Jack Schmidt… He lives in Butte County… The evil corporation is called Dutech (get it? Doo Tech? They be doing some poo science up in there!)…

You know it’s a legitimate science place because of the periodic table on the wall

Secondly, the movie has really dumb cops. Like hilariously dumb. I think dumb people are funny… especially dumb people in positions of authority. It makes me laugh. There’s a random scene where two cops are presenting a ventriloquist dummy routine to the captain involving a stereotypical hippie stoner puppet that they get gradually more furious at until they lose their shit and start beating the Hell out of it. It’s funnier than it sounds, I swear.

You guys should know by now I don’t lie about stuff like this

Thirdly, the movie actually does manage to pull off a pretty brilliant story telling gimmick. The movie is actually a scary story told by a young child to her father. This is incredibly clever, because it puts the juvenile story and gross out moments in context. OF COURSE the movie is dumb. It’s SUPPOSED to be dumb. It came from the mind of a drowsy six year old. It’s definitely one of those things that I wrestle with how much credit to give the filmmakers for a sort of smart idea. It’s entirely possible they just wanted to add five minutes of padding for their dum dum flick, or needed to find a way to work a kid in there as a favor to an investor. But it worked out in the end, and I appreciated it.

It also has a guy who looks sort of like Dan O’Brien from Cracked getting covered in shit

So, yeah. This movie is gross stupid filth that appeals to the lowest common denominator. But it knows what it is and embraces it fully, without any artifice or annoying self awareness. If you’re an idiot, or someone who can turn their brain off for 80 minutes (again, not entirely sure which camp I fall into here), you’re probably going to enjoy this movie. That being said, it’s definitely not for everybody, and I realize there are people too snobby to let themselves enjoy anything involving a killer monster made from poo. Chances are, if you read any of my blogs, you’re pretty cool with the idea of a poo monster, so give this one a chance. I think it might surprise you.

–@Johnnyzontal