Twixt – A video review from Poesy Shelly

We recently made friends here at the Graveyard with a strange little goth girl by the name of Poesy Shelly who spends much of her time hunting ghosts and watching horror movies. Strangely, not to distant from what we occupy our time with here. She has been kind enough to share with us some of her ghost hunting videos in which , in true DIAG fashion, she rants about horror movies. For her first video, Poesy tells us all about Francis Ford Coppola Twixt, an appropriately Gothic movie for her spooky debut. Thanks to @luckyyounger and @wickedkinky for introducing us to Poesy in the first place.

SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!SPOILER WARNING!

what follows is a transcription of Poesys review. It’s a little bit different than her video so check it out to get all her thoughts on Twixt.

Kilmer stars as Baltimore, a writer of Horror. He’s on a book signing tour that takes him to a town close to a city, where people want to be left alone… so they are, except by Authors who for some reason want to stop by and sign books at a hardware store. There is something about the clock tower; but I went ADD and made a skull in the foam of my chocolate milk.

Crazy Sheriff caught my attention. He stops in the hardware store to have Baltimore sign a book, says “My Name is Bobby Le Grange, and I write horror too.” Red flag, Baltimore brushes him off; but Le Grange has something in his morg that he wants to show Baltimore, and what Horror writer can resist a visit to a Morg?
Not Baltimore, he follows bat shit crazy sheriff there to see a body with a steak sticking through it.

Baltimore asks when they will pull it out.
Crazy train tickets for two. whoo whoo

Instead of going for the Whiskey after the Morg, Baltimore heads to the coffee shop; because caffeine is great to sooth those post morgue nerves.

Father Guido Sarducci, I mean the Coffee shop owner, Marvin, tells Baltimore that yes, the Tourism pamphlet which is stuck in the notice board of the very small town’s coffee shop is indeed correct. Poe, THE POE,
slept in the Chickering Hotel.
There’s your hint that there could be a plot, somewhere soon, maybe.
I like plots, I’m sitting next to one, right now.

Baltimore shares his drink with the great Poe, pouring it on the “Poe Slept here” commemorative plaque. I like that! Hats off to Coppola for writing in that great sign of respect for a man who influenced so many of us!

My fav scene is when Baltimore takes a piss, during a dream sequence. The surreal moon shines down, making everything silvery blue. The image is chock full o symbolism. There is a clock tower, empty swings moving as if invisible kids were on them, Motel sign… Of Hell yes, Exactly the time to whip it out, and pee next to a fountain! I took a screen shot. I call this Horror Piss. It’s my new screen saver.

Baltimore comes to a fork in the road… That’s right. This movie was intended to be interactive!
Coppola was going to conduct the movie, and let the audience reaction dictate where it went.
He should have held out, and done it.
This would have been so cool.
Instead you have Father Guido Sarducci!
He really saves the day with his monologue on Daylight savings time.
The scene with the ghost started great; but I went ADD
Until I saw symbolism for toddlers.
The curtains of the chickering hotel are red.
Everything else is all silvery, except the little ghosts poser goth make-up
and then you see the curtains of the chickering hotel are red.
We get it. I start to go ADD again, but
The fire igniting behind Father Guido Sarducci like a light bulb when he says “Just You Wait”
is so yummy full of weirdness. The film had my full attention.
Father Guido Sarducci gives the best rant I’ve heard since Jan Valentine’s
Up Up, Down Down, left right left right
Bringing the mother fucking death by konami! Oh I’m so hard.
He did this with a straight face:
“Those seven faces, they look at me as if I was the one who invented daylight savings time.
You know who came up with daylight savings time don’t you?
Hitler
and you know who supports it now
Doctors
and you know why?
Golf
They want more time to Golf, that’s what its all about.
You cant change time
Time changes you.
Don’t you agree?
What’s your position on daylight savings time?”

Yes! That was the best line in the whole movie!
Kilmer is smiling. I bet it was hard not to bust up during that rant.
He doesn’t answer Father guido sarducci when he’s asked what he’s been thinking about.
A CGI fly buzzes by.
Yes, we get it.
I start to go ADD again
BTW
IMDB does not list Lisa Biales as Ruth, which pisses me off.
Her voice reminds me of my Mama.
Bad IMDB
Ruth tries to grab the Ghost “V” who is stalking just outside the hotel.
“V” bites Ruth, Who says “She Bit Me”
Father Guido Sarducci says “Suck it out”…
We get it
Vampire Ghost Girl.

So kilmer finds out that a creepy minister kills off 12 of the kids in his care
and one little girl got away, who was damned.

This really would have been better as a choose their fate kinda thing.

Poe leads Baltimore back to the hotel where his wife threatens to sell a rare book from his collection if he doesn’t get an advance from his publisher.
You can’t fake tension like these two actors have, Baltimores wife is played by Kilmers X
Recognise her?
I kept wanting Kinlmer to say “It Went Away”
Ouch
Closest thing was “It dissipated with time”
Damn
You couldn’t say “It went away!”

So Baltimore does research at the library,
Like all writers do.
Sure
*Coughs*
Because Libraries in small towns have more information than Google.
On a Sunday, as stated in the next scene.
Because libraries in small towns are open on Sundays.

Next scene Baltimore meets with bat shit crazy sheriff.
He says his horror story is called “The Vampire executions”
and even shows Baltimore a model of the Execution chair.
Red flag
Sheriff says steak is just calling card for person who killed girl.
Yawn

OK, great scene next
Author gets groovy with the writing
He has great inspiration for book, thanks to batshit crazy sheriff
and goes with Poe’s “Death of Beauty” theme.

He gets advance from publisher, only if outline by morning.
Now drinking ensues
Writing however does not.

So, Baltimore wants to see the dead body again,
and is able to sneak in.
Foreshadowing
We get it
Poor security of Morg, something bad will happen.

So Sheriff brings Baltimore drugs, to help him write…
Because Baltimore wants to look at dead bodies and talk to Poe.

Dream Poe leads Baltimore on spirit walk.
This reminds me of Kilmer’s portrayal of Morrison in “The Doors”
but with a Gothic theme.
I can dig it. Morrison was a writer too.
I start to go ADD any way.
Crazy priest in dream does creepy things.
Bad priest, bla bla bla.

My attention is re-captured by batshit crazy sheriff, wanting to play Ouija board to find killer.
Because he thinks outside the box.
Yay for crazy sheriff!
This is a fun scene.
Ghost moves the Ouija board and dead body.
Fun fun fun.
Apparently no one pays attention to child labor laws in this town.
The little delivery kid is employed to assist in this Ouija investigation.
Because everyone knows that kids are totally logical, and help solve mysteries!

I had gone so ADD at this point,
I was sketching a battle scene of the third Peloponnesian war.
Next scene I noticed was some guy reading Baudelaire.
This would have had me creamy; if not for the Blondie.
She looks so vanilla. It just killed the mood.

I looked up to see Father Guido Sarducci and Baltimore in the clock tower.
I wanted Father Guido sarducci to have another rant.
Alas, I was denied.

At least there is opera
and a nice blood orgy
The red cloth that the goths are dancing with in the background…
Yes, we get it,
Blood will flow
and my attention was captured once again
by Poe telling the story of the crazy priest slicing the innocents throats.

You know, it really does work.
The whole “Death of beauty” theme.

OK, The little girl who escapes the crazy priest is scooped up by the Goth leader
Flamingo
and he bites her while they ride off on his motorcycle.
Freedom from her old life,
she is re-born. Free, as a Goth 😀
So the crazy priest would have killed the girl,
and she’s been traumatised
Might as well make her a Vampire.
Its not like things could get any worse.
Wait, no, They can.

So crazy priest captures the Vampire girl,
and walls her into a macabre crypt
I like this scene.
Because Poe goes off, talking about his young wife, who died tragically
and the names he gave her as he wrote her into so many of his works.
It’s so meloncholy, and sweet. Yes, this was a good scene.

Baltimore wakes up from drug induced dream
to be attacked by bat shit crazy sheriff
The shreiff wants money, He knows that Baltimore got an advance;
because the internet said so.

Batshit sheriff really gives himself away
thinking Goths are into Death, and sex.
We’re so much deeper than that.
The man is clearly insane.
He attacks Baltimore,
who goes back in the dream state.
Poe Tells Baltimore that he is the ending that he seeks.
Baltimore must become madmartigan.
That’s just how it is.

So the version of the ending that we see on netflix has blood and a great twist.
The ending line, ripped from Poe just fit so nice.
It’s like Coppola knew we would all expect more from the ending!

By the way, I loved this movie

I gave this movie five, out of seven ravens.

Coppola killed one raven for that blonde Goth. She was annoying.

The other raven was killed by his lack of determination, and failure to do what he set out to do with this film.

Five Ravens take flight
Two are cat food
Good night

Here’s a little treat, for our fellow Drunks in a Graveyard:
When I saw the number on Baltimore’s hotle room, 22, it brought something to mind…
Two artists, alive at the same time,
Thier names are very simular.
They both paint their own versions of “Luncheon on the grass”

Claude Monet painted Le déjeuner sur l’herbe; which depicts fully clothed women and men. It does not appear as though the people are as comfortable with themselves, or each other, as the figures in
Édouard Manet’s Le déjeuner sur l’herbe; which depicts Nude Women Clothed Men. Men and Women enjoying their Luncheon on the grass. One women looks directly at you, very comfortable in her skin.

There’s some food for thought.

Happy Thanksgiving

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